When my thoughts arent clear and nothing seems sure...

I have just encountered the reality behind sex, and how women are screwed over, biologically...

    It was under my nose this entire time, and yet I still could not figure out why it was so easy for every guy I ever experienced sexually, to climax, and I - although committed to the moment- could not. What we know of sex today is pleasure, and reproduction, but the sole purpose for us humans to have sex, is to biologically reproduce offspring, not soley for pleasure. But why is it that men MUST climax while attempting to fertilize a womans eggs, ultimately making it a most pleasurable, desired experience, and woman do not? Shouldn't, in a most perfect world both men and women equally get off during sex BEFORE the sperms swim their way to the refuge of our awaiting eggs? There could easily have been the evolution of a pink door with a pulley, barn style, anything, that easily goes up, or swings open during an orgasm welcoming the tadpoles in, just like a mans penis does to send those sperms out to battle. So that all in all, without climax, reproduction is unwelcome for both partners....Who is in control of these matters here?

So then i think to myself, am I just seeing sex as a lustful thing and not acknowledging its depth?  Well maybe in someone's eyes who does not know me and of how deeply connected I look to be with the person I choose to experience nowadays, yet it is here that I realize my own issue with it: I've loved someone and understood them, but was unable to connect with them on this "connected" level until I stopped playing by the rules, and started to ask questions and think about my past experiences why I may have made the decisions in the past to experience certain people or to have been involved in such a dentrimentally social lifestyle but most of all things began to unravel when I started to reveal myself to myself. Its kind of like always knowing their was something weird about the way you thought, or what you thought about whenever you were thinking, which was always, and then meeting someone who thought the thoughts you so often thought perspectively and as periodically, who confirmed that your thoughts had meaning; and you didn't feel so alone in your own head anymore. 

And in those moments of connection during the late hours of the evening, or the early hours over half drinken non-fat white mochas in the day, my head clear and open, I began to realize how important it was for me to be honest and true to myself in allowing myself to have a true connection that I felt was deep enough before I could ever connect intamately and therefore sexually.