To say I have changed from who I was a year ago from today is an understatement. I am a completely different person. I notice it in the way i eat, the way I think, the things I say and the time i take to make my point, it's obvious to me watching the people I hang around and the locations and situations I put myself in, most of the time its safe to say Im all about success baby. But the way I react... but the way I react... wait.. now thats a tough one. I said I notice that when I have a point to make I take the time to stop and think, analyze and go through all the possible solutions or arguments to make my case and most of the time, day to day, this works out fine, not always being correct of course, agreeing to disagree with others is okay too... But this is only true up until emotions are involved.
Whoa, I can feel the weather change and the unexpected clouds roll into my brain-mosphere on that one. Those damn emotions get the best of me 9 times out of 10 I kid you not, and it's something I am well aware of, but does that give me the ability to change? Dont give me wrong, after a day of riding the revolving emotional rollercoaster sleep is out of the question, and the list of apologies starts flowing out of my ears by 1 a.m and next thing I know I'm up and out of bed with my sneakers on and a sweater, earplugs in running out the door for a late night run in the middle of San Francisco. Suicidal much? So what the heck can I do?
I call my mom this afternoon, she answers softly, " hello?" "Maa, are you avoiding me?" I gesture with a big smile after calling her for a third time in two days to ask if I am emotionally dependendent on others, and if i had always been this way. "No." she responds shortly. "Okkay, well what are you doin then?" She responds with a whirlwind of a problem about her ex husband, Dad, knowing I have absolutely no interest in hearing about it, its dead to me, a lost cause, and thats when I realize exactly where I inhabited such emotionally driven tendencies and think to myself, What the hell am i doing calling you, I chuckle outloud and take a few moments to remember I am only half of her and that half can be rewired and the fog clears a bit and the day seems to get a little bit brighter. All in fun, back to the issue at hand, How do we build strong emotional intelligence if we are wired shut to be think emotionally?
Emotional decision makers I tell you, in myexperience, were terrible; I mean we tell the best jokes, were always around for a good cry and we are AMAZING in bed, but when it comes down to taking space or being told were too needy or not logical its like kicking a bull in the face after you've calmed it down enough to get close. BAD IDEA. So, since we cant exactly wear a sign around our neck that says, "Avoid any conflict with me I am emotional and may not know how to express myself to you if you dont have a lifetime of patience to listen," we research!
So here we are a few google searches deep .....
"How to be emotionally intelligent"
"Am I codependent"
"Long distance relationships"
"Explanation behind neediness"
"How important is affection"
"Why thinking rationally is important"
"How to think and make decisions rationally"
"Am I too young to be famous..."
....Okay you get the idea here
And a couple chapters into
Emotional Intelligendce 2.0 by Travis Bradberry
Being logical: aguide to good thinking D.Q. McInerny
Chemistry for Dummies
etc....
What I have gathered thus far- and I haven't by any means made a large enough dent- is ....
1. H.A.L.T !
Meaning do not respond to a conflict or try to reason, express your ideas, or argue with someone when you are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonley
or Tired
Where I got it:
Al-Anon and AA use this one for people in recovery, people dealing with addictive, addicted family members of alcohol, drugs etc. But I am doing exatly what picasso said and STEALING the idea for people that may be a little more emotional then others; and any logical person would back me on this one in saying when you are in any of these states, you're not thinking right girlfreind, get some lunch, relax, call them back in an hour or two and the problems will be a hell of a lot more minute then when you were running on fumes; thus avoiding a lot of emotional crap.
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